Left Behind
by Sigurd380
Summary: The characters from Melee that aren't in brawl aren't to happy about being left out. Actually, no, they're not happy at all. They're pissed the hell off. *All characters are copyright to their respective owners. Please don't sue*
1. Chapter 1: Left Behind

In honor of the latest Super Smash Bros. game being released, a huge party was being held at Princess Peach's Castle. Master Hand had arranged the entire thing, and everyone who was in Brawl, Assist Trophies included, was invited.

Roy smiled as he walked the path towards the castle. Not only would he be able to have a re-match with his old friend, Marth, but would also be able to test his skill against the newcomer, Ike.

When Roy reached the doorway, Luigi was there to greet him. He asked, "Name and game series, please," to which Roy replied, "Roy, Fire Emblem."

"Roy, Roy…" muttered Luigi as he scanned the list of invited guests. "Nope, not on the list," he said finally.

"WHAT?!" shouted Roy, "B-But I'm a fan-favorite of the FE series! How can I NOT be on the list?!"

"Look dude, I don't write the lists," said Luigi, "I just let the guests in. Buzz off."

Just then, a woman who was slightly taller than Roy stepped up to the door. This woman has a long, green ponytail and a long, sharp weapon at her waist. "Lyn, Fire Emblem, Assist Trophy," she said.

"Lyn, huh?" said Luigi, looking at the list again. "Oh yeah! You're in!"

Lyn walked in the castle. Roy's jaw dropped. A girl like Lyn, who only had one game under her belt, invited to Brawl? At least I got a cameo in another game, thought Roy.

Roy walked off and headed for the nearest place that was empty, which happened to be the ruined Temple, Marth and Roy's old hangout spot. To his surprise, Mewtwo, Pichu, Dr. Mario and Young Link were there as well. "Um, what are you guys doing here?" Roy asked.

"Hmm…" muttered Mewtwo. He didn't look happy. Then again he never looked happy. But today he looked even more pissed off than usual. "I'm guessing YOU got rejected too?" he asked.

"Yeah, I did, did you?" replied Roy.

"We ALL got rejected." moaned Young Link. "WE aren't in Brawl, see? We got LEFT BEHIND." Young Link took a gulp of milk. The bottles of milk he carried around seemed to be bottomless. Young Link always said, "It's milk. You can't get drunk on milk." Although he does look a bit tipsy to me, thought Roy.

Roy sat on one of the pillars that wasn't about to collapse and thought (out loud), "Any ideas on why we were left behind?"

"Hmph," said Mewtwo. "The only logical explanation is that my popularity has died down, so they thought it'd be a good idea to replace me with the Yoda ripoff. Or whoever Lucario is supposed to ripoff…someone from Star Wars. Anyways, apparently I'm out because those that star in less movies and are less rare are obviously better. There's only ONE of ME in all of Pokemon. Yet a commoner like Lucario who was hyped gets in somehow. I could breed FIFTY Lucarios and you wouldn't know the difference. HE has ONE movie. I have TWO. I have a more credible reason for hating humans."

"You're awfully calm about it," retorted Dr. Mario.

Mewtwo almost popped a blood vessel. "Believe me, I'm NOT. What's your excuse, doc?"

"WELL," moaned Dr. Mario, "I guess it doesn't make good SENSE to have both regular Mario AND Dr. Mario. They're both the same character, see? Much like the milk addict over there."

"WELL," moaned Young Link, "If you think your case is bad, HELL NO, MINE'S WORSE. They replace me…with TOON LINK! HA! A DIFFERENT VERSION OF LINK! They're both the same character too! So why do we have TWO LINKS here, huh?"

"Because one's overpowered and the other isn't?" speculated Roy. This prompted Young Link to throw an empty bottle at Roy, who was more amazed with the fact that the bottles actually ran out of milk. "So what's Pichu's reason for being out?"

Pichu had been asleep the entire time. He wasn't gonna wake up soon, that was for sure.

"Pichu told me," said Mewtwo, "that his reason is because, compared to Pikachu, Pichu's a nobody. He even wonders why he was in Melee…wait a minute. Dr. Mario, Pichu, Roy, Young Link…I see. We were left out because we were either annoying, unpopular, or we had the most overpowered AI ever."

"That's no reason to throw us out!" shouted Roy. "Hey, guys, let's stop sulking and go have our own party! We could play our games and not let anyone in except guys who are pissed that they aren't in Brawl!"

Mewtwo smirked at the idea. "I like it."


	2. Chapter 2: Poke Her

"So I says to him, you wanna know what I says to him?" said Young Link as he rapidly mashed the B button, "I says to him, 'That concept is even shittier than me!' And you wanna know what he said? I dunno what he said. He said something in Japanese."

The party was held at N64 Hyrule Castle, which was deserted since everyone was either in one of Brawl's 65535 audiences, or waiting in line to be in one of Brawl's 65535 audiences. Roy suspected that the ruined Temple would be a popular battlefield again, and settled for a location that would most likely never again be visited.

"So, um, why am I here again?" asked Sigurd.

"Because," answered Mewtwo, "I need someone to exchange comments with when nothing interesting happens."

"Well, this isn't exactly the greatest party ever, seeing as there are only six guys, including myself," commented Sigurd.

"That, my living example of a hair-based FE cliché, is why I've invited not only guys who were in Melee but not Brawl, but other characters who warranted being in Brawl, but weren't because Nintendo likes to smack around their own characters," responded Mewtwo. "Remember what Roy said yesterday?"

_We could play our games and not let anyone in except __**guys who are pissed that they aren't in Brawl!**_

"Works for me, I guess, but why'd you invite me?" asked Sigurd.

"You and your son warrant being an Assist Trophy," answered Mewtwo. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to make sure everyone on the list is here."

Huh, thought Sigurd. Me and my son, Celice, an Assist Trophy, and at the same time, no less! Although I'm not too pissed that I'm not in Brawl…wait, Sigurd thought, how COULD I possibly be in Brawl when I'm DEAD?! Oh well.

Meanwhile, a Poker game was going on between Roy and Krystal. Krystal was winning, of course.

"Okay, I give up! Krystal, your telepathic-ness is broken in a game like this, you know that?! No wonder you weren't in Brawl, you'd just read everyone's minds!" shouted Roy.

"Oh, stop whining," said Krystal. "Besides, I can't read minds anyways, I sense thought patterns." She could just hear Fox saying, "Yeah! REAL USEFUL!" Krystal hadn't been appreciated very much lately, and Fox throwing her off Star Fox made her want to join Star Wolf just to get back at him, but Wolf wouldn't let her in either due to Panther accusing Krystal of having sex with Fox. And now she'd been rejected from Brawl. "I still can't get over it, being rejected AGAIN, I mean," said Krystal. "They just…they completely ignored my background ever since we got off Dinosaur Planet, and then…Fox…I…ugh…he kept Falco, who betrayed him TWICE, for god's sake!"

"The way I see it," said Roy, "you shouldn't even have joined Star Fox at all, really. I mean, you were on your own until they showed up. And I think you could've done better on your own." Roy walked away from the table.

"…thank you, Roy," whispered Krystal.

Support Level increased. (Roy-Krystal: C)

"Ahem. Roy!"

"Wha? Oh, h-hi Lilina…"

"Can I talk to you about the line of text 6 lines above this one?"

"Uh…text line? I…I don't…"

"YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED YOU DUMB FUCK! FORBLAZE!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"


	3. Chapter 3: Earthbound And Closing In

"I wanted to be a boss sooooooooooooooooooooo bad!" whined Giygas, "but they went with Porkchop. Aren't I just a little bit TRADITIONAL?! I mean if a guy has a major role in two games that should obviously outweigh the guy who only had a major role in one game!"

Young Link shrugged. "There can only be one explanation."

"And that is…?"

"I think I'll let my iPod do the talking…um…where are your ears?"

"Oh give me that!" Giygas placed the two earpieces in his ears and asked, "OK, what next?"

"I'm going to turn the volume all the way up and put on everyone's favorite WMD--er, song," replied Young Link.

Needless to say, the song that blasted Giygas's ears was none other than a combination of eight melodies that Giygas hated hearing: It brought back horrifyingly peaceful memories-memories that a young 8-bit boy had defeated Giygas with. "GRARGH! STOP THE MUSIC! IT REMINDS ME OF WHEN I WAS DEFEATED WITH A FLUXING SONG!"

"Exactly," said Young Link, "YOU LOST TO A BLEEPING SONG. WTF. THAT MAKES NO SENSE. I mean what if I did that? At least Digdogger was only WEAKENED, NOT DEFEATED, by this whistle, and as he got weaker, he also got more annoying. And while I'm at it, WHOSE BRIGHT IDEA WAS IT TO MAKE YOU RAPE CHILDREN?! That's the ONLY thing those 'Inexplicable attacks' could've been. Worst RPG ever. And did I mention when you went mentally insane in Mother 2? Never did get a chance at revenge on Ninten did ya?"

We interrupt this fanfic to bring you a special newscast

Thoughts and opinions of the author are not expressed through the characters, thank you and goodnight

And now our story contin-oh for god's sake Giygas, get off the floor and stop crying!

"Not even…so much…as a sticker…"

Meanwhile, at a poker table in a completely off-topic area

"Oh, did I win?" said Peach.

"FOR THE LAST TIME NO YOU DID NOT!" moaned Zelda.

"That's going to be the next Smash Bros. internet meme, that is," speculated Ike, "when 'Show me ya moves' dies down of course. Which is never."

Back at the other party

"I cannot believe you invited Giygas!" said Roy. "He's such a crybaby."

"Do NOT diss the guy who got dropped like a phat beat!" replied Mewtwo. "Wait…what the hell did I just say? Ugh. The point is, my plan is working out perfectly."

"OK, first, stop smiling, it's really creepy," said Roy. "Man, this out-of-character stuff is really messing up our minds. And whadaya mean, your 'plan'?"

"My plan to invite so many characters that I end up with a party that's even MORE popular than the one the talking glove is having! It's very evil, see?"

"…this is not evil."

"So? It's fun to think it is."

"OK. This is really starting to creep me out. Out-of-character-ness creeps me out. Later."


	4. Chapter 4: That's a Camera, n00b!

"Crap," thought Nell. She was playing Craps, and despite the reputation for being lucky, she was losing like hell. "Seventy-five rolls and not a single seven!"

"Um, why are you here again?" asked Andy. "In fact, why am I here? And while I'm at it, what's an airport again?"

"Sigh…" said Nell. "We're here because we don't have an army anymore, Andy. The Orange Star army became an assist trophy, rather than having a recognizable character, such as you or I. I taught westerners how to play Advance Wars, and unlike a certain green-haired slut named Lyn, I didn't force the Japanese-people who already know how to play-into the tutorial. You, meanwhile, are perhaps the most famous CO in the army!"

"Oh, I get it now!" said Andy. "So, what's an airport again?"

Nell was getting pissed. "You know damn well what an airport is! Screw this, I'm gonna talk to Giygas."

Nell walked over to where Giygas was sitting on a couch, fiddling with something.

"What's that?" asked Nell.

"Oh this?" replied Giygas, "This is my latest invention, made with superior alien technology! I call it…the World's Smallest Spy Camera! I used to spy on my sister back in Giygasburg."

"Oh you ripped that off Spy Kids!"

"Nuh-uh, Spy Kids came out AFTER Earthbound. Besides, this camera is invisible, and no, I didn't steal Snake's cloaking device, and furthermore…"

But Nell wasn't listening. "Spy camera?" she thought. "Hey, I just got a sweet idea. Let's take that camera and plant it in the Brawl party! We can see what everyone's doing!"

"But wait," thought Giygas, "How do we get in there? They won't let us in."

"Hey." Thought Nell. "That spy I used to figure how to smash Black Hole's superfactory is still around. He said something about not having a weapon…anyways, he can sneak in and plant the cameras!"

"Um…Nell?" said Giygas, "Is that the same spy who spent hours trying to figure out the factory's weakness when he could've just pressed the R button?"

"Do you want your brain to explode?" said Nell, threatening him with her iPod.

Several hours later

"This is Stupid Spy to Commander Nell, the cameras are in place, over,"

"Roger that, soldier. Get out alive, will ya?"

"Yes ma'am, over,"

"Hey, Nell, I'm getting the images from camera A34. Call the guys down here, would ya?"

"Affirmative. Hey guys! The cameras are ready!"

"Vengeance is mine."

"This'll be good."

"I hope they remember us!"

Mewtwo, Roy and Young Link headed downstairs to the basement, where the camera room was. "See anything interesting?" asked Roy.

"Hold on a minute. Yep. What you see is the inside of Smash Mansion." Said Giygas.

"Smash Mansion?" asked Nell.

"Yeah," answered Giygas, "It's the recurring mansion where all the Smash Bros. fanfics take place. Hold on, now that is interesting…"

Giygas zoomed in on Lucario, who was talking to Pokemon Trainer, or Red, or whatever you want to call him, I prefer Ash, OK? Anyways…

"The Aura and I are getting married," said Lucario. "Isn't that right Aura?...The Aura says yes."

"I KNEW AURA BOY WAS ON CRACK!" shouted Mewtwo.

"Hush, I can't hear! OK, let's see what's on camera B52," said Giygas.

"How many cameras did you put in there?!" asked Roy.

"Oh, um, 24,128," answered Giygas. Roy's jaw dropped. "What? I had spare materials!" retorted Giygas. "I mean I've been out of practice for 20 years…"

"Shush! Look!" shouted Young Link, "There's Toon Boy! And…is that…DARK TOON BOY?!"

He was, of course, referring to Toon Link, who seemed to have come out of nowhere. And standing next to him was Dark Toon Link, who had gotten in on a fluke thanks to being one of Toon Link's alternate colors. 2 seconds later…

"Is that…it is! LUCAS!" Lucas had just walked up to Toon Link. Giygas got pissed at the sight of Lucas, most likely due to never being able to fight him.

"So, um," stuttered Lucas, "How did you guys beat Porky in less than a minute? I mean…it took me an entire game to do that."

"WHAT!?" shouted Giygas, "THEY KILLED MY BEST GUY IN LESS THAN A MINUTE BY-"

"Down+A while in the air," said Toon Link, "Repetetivly."

"Only n00bs don't know that," retorted Dark Toon Link, "n00b."

"ARGH!" Giygas's constant screams were interrupted by the screen going black and a voice that said, "Hey Lucas, what's this thing?"

Giygas gasped. The large black object was actually Ness's eyeball.

"Oh shit, Ness found the camera," said Giygas. "OK, now self-destructing B52 and switching to B12."

Camera B52 exploded in Ness's face, which prompted Dark Toon Link to burst out laughing and say, "That's a Proximity Mine, n00b!"


	5. Chapter 5: Wasn't This Was Rated K?

"Camera C26 is showing."

"Is that…Samus?! She's playing poker with Ridley, Sonic and…no way…Falcon's playing poker…"

"Zoom in on the cards!"

There was a lot of commotion in the basement as they had discovered Samus, Sonic, Ridley and Captain Falcon playing poker.

"Oh! Oh!" gasped Roy, "Can I do one of those commentator things like on High Stakes Poker?"

"Um…sure?" replied Giygas, with a slight hint of "WTF is Poker?"

CHEAP EXCUSE NOT TO WRITE IN THE NORMAL WAY

And the flop reveals…Jack, Four and Ten, all clubs! That's looking great for Samus, she's got Seven and Eight, both clubs, and Samus bets…100,000,000?! She's THAT stinkin' rich?! Ridley and Sonic fold immediately. They do NOT wanna see what she's got. And Falcon RAISES HER 1,000,000,000?! He sure is confident…Samus doesn't have that much but…wait. WTF?! IS THAT THE RECIEPT FOR SAMUS'S BRA?! I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS! SHE BET HER BRA! Falcon accepts this bet…the turn reveals…an Ace of clubs! Both players check and the river is…an Ace of Spades! Showdown time! And Falcon reveals…wha…what the…it's…QUEEN AND KING OF CLUBS?! HE GOT A ROYAL FLUSH! WHAT THE FAX-

(Even I, the author, did not expect that)

/cheap excuse

"Umm…guys? You don't think she'll really…" whimpered Young Link. Samus reached behind her back. "I AM TOO YOUNG FOR THIS!"

"Giygas! Disable the visuals! I do NOT want this fanfic rated M!" shouted Mewtwo.

"Um…why? And what's a bra?" asked Giygas.

"JUST DO IT!" everyone shouted. The only thing they could hear moments after that was a masculine voice saying "Show me ya boobs!" and a feminine voice screaming, "THIS IS A FIX! A FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIX! HE RIGGED THE bleepING CARDS DAMMIT!"

"THAT was TOO close. We were THAT close to being rated M." said Mewtwo, relieved.

"Will someone tell me WTF a bra is?!" shouted Giygas.

It then hit Roy: Giygas's species doesn't wear clothes.


	6. Chapter 6: Overexaggerated Tournaments

"It's…beautiful…" said Mewtwo.

"It's…gorgeous…" replied Giygas.

"It's…the ugliest looking brain since Idoun on steroids," retorted Roy. He was, of course, referring to a 6-foot-tall brain in a glass bubble, which was known to everyone only as "Mother Brain". Except it wasn't much of a bad guy, or girl, or whatever gender it is, because an extremely tall reptile named Kraid had to constantly wheel the thing around, not to mention pump its life support every five minutes.

"I still say they should've brought back that Brinstar Depths stage from Melee," sighed Kraid, "Then I would've been in Brawl somehow. And Mother Brain says she should've been a boss during a side-scrolling level. I mean, they fight Ridley twice, and I don't care if he eats a Metal Box the second time, it's still Ridley. I tell ya, Ridley acts like he's the leader of the space pirates but Mother Brain here was the real leader until Ridley secretly manipulated her…"

This ranting went on for about an hour until Roy shouted, "Can we PLEASE look at the cameras again?! Every moment we waste is another moment Samus could lose her bra at Poker again!!"

"…Samus lost her bra at Poker?" asked Kraid.

"Yeah!" replied Giygas, "I saved a tape of it, WITH the visuals included!"

Kraid was about to ask for the tape, but Roy interrupted, "Guys, do you WANT to be rated M?! We'll get less publicity that way!"

Everyone sighed and then headed down to the basement. Except for Krystal, who was looking at a computer screen. Everyone could hear her shout, "No way! They nerfed Fox by removing wavedashing! Awesome! I always thought Fox abused that trick! And that caused a bunch of levels to be banned! Not anymore! Ha! Take that!...WHAT!! All the Star Fox characters have the SAME FINAL SMASH?! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE-"

"WOULD YOU PIPE DOWN UP THERE?!" shouted Young Link, "WE CANNOT HERE THE CAMERA!"

"Ok guys, Camera C21 is loaded and ready." Said Giygas.

"Oh, check it out, they're watching an archived tape," remarked Roy.

_This is what was on the archived tape…_

Fox was standing on the Final Destination platform, and eagerly awaited the arrival of his opponent.

**Ready? Go!**

"Wha-what?!" shouted Fox, "How's the match supposed to start if I'm the only one here?!" Then Fox noticed: there were no items anywhere, and none had appeared in the last minute.

Then a single thought entered his mind: "No items! Fox only! Final Destination!"

Fox stood and shouted, "DAMNED OVEREXAGGERATING TOURNAMENT PLAYERS!!"

_End archived tape…_

"…okay, someone clearly has a thing against Star Fox," commented Falco.


	7. Chapter 7: The UnCanon Chapter

Author's Note: PMD2 Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Time/Darkness

The doors of the 'Brawl Reject' party opened to reveal three Pokemon. One had bandages strapped around its eyes, the second had a plastic airtight suit on, and the third had…um…uh…well…screw it.

"Uh…who the heck are they?" asked Roy and Young Link, simultaneously.

"They're Uxie, Mesprit and Azelf," replied Mewtwo, "4th generation annoyances."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?! We asked very nicely to come out of a Pokeball but NO" Azelf whined for half an hour.

"Guys-" breathed Mesprit, "I can't-breathe-in-plastic-airtight-"

"Quit complainin', do you WANT to get in trouble again?" retorted Azelf.

"Told-you-loss-of-emotions-because-touch-me-was-rumor-not-true…"

"I ain't takin' that chance! It's because of stupid rumors like this that everyone avoids us, and we have no friends!"

"Guys, can I take these bandages off now? It's not exactly fair that I have to wear these," said Uxie.

"Make everyone lose their memories because you opened your eyes OR have a chance at friends at the cost of blindness. Your choice. Good thing you'd have to hurt me in order to lose your muscles, and who wants to hurt cute little me?"

"I can think of someone, and it's certainly worth losing my muscles over."

"Yeah? You can't even see. How are you gonna AIM at me?"

"Guys-I-agh…"

"Oh great. Mesprit's dead AGAIN!"

"Man, do you guys ALWAYS fight like this?" Roy interrupted, "You're like the Magus Sisters on steroids."

"I honestly cannot believe I invited them. They didn't even have an important part in the storyline until the second PMD came out. Which was AFTER Brawl." thought Mewtwo.

"PMD?" inquired Young Link, "There is NO WAY that shit is canon. The plot makes ZERO SENSE. It's always a time paradox with these guys. Can't they come up with anything else?"

"You take that back!" retorted Uxie. "I wrote the plot for PMD2!...and then I looked at myself in the mirror and forgot…(even I don't even know what I look like at all)…so they had to pull something out of their anuses like they always do…wait. How is it that I remember what I forgot?"

"Like I said," replied Young Link, "There is NO WAY this shit is canon. And just to prove my point, let's re-enact what was going through my mind when I got to the end of Steamy Cave in PMD2."

_Flashback!_

"…who is that? Who are you?!"

"I know for a fact you're going to attack us no matter what I say. It happens EVERY TIME in this game. So you might as well come out and let us kill you so we can save ourselves a lot of time and energy. Even though that allows the bad guy to come in here and steal the treasure anyways, even though we're TRYING to protect it. I mean think about it! You jump out and randomly attack us, no matter what, thus leading to your own demise anyways! Who writes this shit?! There is NO WAY this shit is canon! It's all one big time paradox anyways!"

"Um…ok…wait, what?"

_End flashback!_

"THAT is why," concluded Young Link, "This chapter of this fanfic is NOT CANON. You three are NOT in this storyline. So you may as well take off those bandages because I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER THIS!"

Except the three triplets had fallen asleep. Roy dragged them all out and tossed them into the moat. "They're legendary. They'll live anyways."

"That's what they told me!" retorted Mewtwo, "And I practically no longer exist!"

The door opened up to reveal yet another Pokemon, but this one…

"WHAT THE HELL?!" shouted Mewtwo, "What are you doing here Celebi?! I didn't invite you! Besides, you're in Brawl!"

"Aw, gimmie a break, dude. This is the non-canon chapter, remember?" Celebi reminded him, "We can do anything we want, and it won't count at all. 'sides, I heard a cute kid in green was down here, and green's my FAVORITE color!"

"Since when are you a pedophilic female? I thought all the legendaries were MALE," asked Roy. He thought for a moment he heard Celebi mutter, "Sexist!"

A horrible thought struck Mewtwo. He quickly headed down to the camera room and checked the cameras - NO ONE was at the Brawl party. "Oh shit. They're not coming here are they?! Wait. They're too proud of themselves. They wouldn't do that. Assholes."

Author's reminder: There is NO WAY this shit is canon. Thank you.


	8. Chapter 8: The Chatroom Excuse

After a long day of partying the Brawl party had finally settled down…for the time being. By tomorrow the party would continue, but for now everyone could relax…

Except for these poor slobs.

"Oh COME ON!" whined Roy, "We can't spy on the party IF THERE IS NO PARTY!"

"Screw this, I'm gonna go on a random chatroom," replied Giygas. Giygas started pushing keys on his keyboard.

"It looks like you're pushing the same buttons a thousand times," remarked Young Link.

"That's because I have 1337 hacking skills! Now then-" Giygas was searching for random chatrooms when he noticed one: _Brawl Chat_.

"They have their own PRIVATE CHATROOM?!" exclaimed Mewtwo, "That is going too far!"

"Let's go in and insult them a-" suddenly, a password entry screen appeared. "Crap. Password-protected."

"Can you hack into the chatroom?" asked Mewtwo.

"Sure, no problem." 5 minutes later… "OK, we're in."

_FalconPAWNCH joined the chatroom._

"I bet I know who that is," said Roy.

_TehAura joined the chatroom._

_Gaygas joined the chatroom._

"WTF!!" shouted Giygas.

_Gaygas: Hey guys, anyone noticed weird stuff sticking to the walls?_

_TehAura: The aura thought those were proximity mines._

_Gaygas: Er…ok._

_FalconPAWNCH: FalconPAWNCH! FalconPAWNCH!_

_Gaygas: Does anyone speak this language?_

_TehAura: The aura does._

_Gaygas: …right._

"This is putting me to sleep," said Roy, "I'm going to bed."


	9. Chapter 9: FINISH HIM

"Guys, guys, you won't believe this!" Roy shouted as he dashed down the stairs. "I just got OVER NINE THOUSAND kills on Endless Melee!"

"What?! Nine thousand?!" replied Mewtwo, "There is NO WAY that can be right…can it?"

"I think it's right," said Giygas, "Now shut up, I just spotted Fox. Hey Krystal! Get down here!"

"Coming!"

"Hey, Giygas," asked Roy, "Why are you so interested in Fox?"

"I suspect something of that asswipe," replied Giygas. "I mean, he's in his Command outfit, and we all know Star Fox Command was a load of bullshit."

"OK guys, what's so important that you call me all the way from-" Krystal stopped as she noticed Fox on the live camera feed. He was talking to Falco.

"So uh, Foxy, you been awfully quiet, something on your mind?" asked Falco.

"Well, I need to get something off my chest," replied Fox.

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Do you ever wonder why you're here and Krystal isn't?"

"No…well, yeah, kinda, but I thought, y'now, I just got lucky or something…"

"Can you keep a secret?"

"No, but I can try."

"This is serious business, Falco!"

"OK, OK! I won't tell anyone. What's the secret?"

"I…asked Master Hand not to invite Krystal."

"YOU WHAT?!"

"It's dangerous here, Falco. I don't want her to be hurt-"

"FOX, YOU ASSWIPE! FIGHTERS DO NOT DIE HERE! YOU STUPID SHIT! THE WORST THAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN IS _THIS!_" On that word, Falco pulled out a dagger and stabbed himself in the chest. As he removed the dagger, his body turned stone-grey, and a large coin-shaped object appeared under his feet.

Fox gasped. Falco had (tried to) kill himself just to prove a point. Was Fox really so stupid?

Meanwhile in the basement, everyone shouted so loudly at once one could not tell who said what.

"What the SHIT?!"

"That's a new kind of low!"

"So that's it, huh…"

Krystal, however, kept silent. Roy looked into her eyes. They were not the peaceful blue, instead they were two, angry black slits. "Now Krystal," said Roy, "Don't do anything you might regret-"

Krystal had already taken her weapon and left, though. Roy sighed. _This is NOT good._

Fox stepped outside the castle to get some fresh air. _I feel like an asshole_, he thought to himself.

"Well, maybe it's because you _are_ an asshole!"

Fox turned around. There was Krystal, her weapon pointed at Fox's throat. "K-Krystal? What are you-"

Fox was interrupted by Krystal stabbing her weapon through Fox's chest, lifting Fox's body into the air and slamming it into the ground. As the weapon left Fox's chest, his body began to turn stone-cold. Krystal turned Fox's trophy on its side (while being careful not to touch the stand, lest Fox be revived), sat on Fox's head and…peed on his face. (WTF? I thought this woman was decent…)

With that, Krystal lifted the trophy and threw into the castle's moat. (Yes, the Brawl party is at Peach's Castle. Yeah, maybe I should've mentioned that.) Krystal spat at the trophy as it floated down into a nearby lake.

Roy paced the floor, worried. "Grr…if she kills Fox we'll be in deep trouble…" he thought to himself.

The doors burst open to reveal Krystal, who looked contempt. Ticked off, but contempt.

"Don't any of you say a single word to me until tomorrow. Got it?" There was a hint of _I'm pissed off and will kill you if you talk to me_ in Krystal's tone

"Y-Yes ma'am!" everyone replied.

Krystal walked over to the TV, put on some headphones and started playing Metroid Prime. No one heard a word out of her for the rest of the day.

_Author Commentary: (I'm allowed to do that right?)_

_Yeah. This is pretty much what I think of Star Fox Command. It sucks. They pretty much made Fox a big dick and ruined the series. What's worse, there are NINE endings. Of course there's no doubt in my mind the canon ending (If that horrible game is even canon at all) is the one where Fox and Krystal have a son. I guess Star Fox is officially dead. There's no word of whether or not another SF will come out. Yeah. SF joins Mother in the video game graveyard._


	10. Chapter 10: Mewtwo Does Filler

"…Yo, Aura boy."

"…? The Aura wants to know who this is calling him on the phone of all things."

"Oh, you know who this is, Aura boy. I was in the mood for foresight today, and I had the strangest vision."

"The Aura wants to know what you're talking about…"

"In the future, when Brawl's tier list comes out, you will be ranked…BELOW JIGGLYPUFF."

"The Aura thinks you're messing with him."

"Oh it's true. I mean, I was ranked BELOW PICHU…and we all know that anyone ranked that low sucks."

"The Aura thinks that means you suck."

"That's what I thought you'd say. But guess what? Everyone hates me. It's the truth. No one likes me anymore except the other cut Melee vets and the author of this fanfic. Besides, how am I weaker than fucking PICHU?! It's physically AND mentally impossible. At least I don't damage myself every time I make a freakin' move. So if I can be ranked lower than Pichu, YOU can be ranked lower than Jigglypuff. They only like you now because you have no Pichu to be ranked under. And it will only get worse from there. Soon, no one will like you, come 6th generation of Pokemon. No one will remember positive things about you…only that you used to be good, and suck now. And they'll all hate you, too."

"The Aura senses you believe a conspiracy has arisen."

"A conspiracy HAS arisen. It seems Nintendo would rather destroy characters than make them better. Look at what happened to Krystal. And it'll happen to you one day, Aura boy." Click.

"You think we scared him enough?" asked Dr. Mario.

"Guys, what was the point of what we just did?" asked Young Link.

Mewtwo smirked. "Filler."

"…dude, don't smile. It's creepy," said Roy.

_Author's note:_

_Well, let's see, every time Mewtwo appears in a game he ends up getting bashed somehow. In RBY he was a trophy banned from competitive play. In Stadium 1 he was easily outnumbered 6 to 1. In Puzzle League everyone cheaped his bad AI. And now many have forgotten about him. Legendaries should stay legendaries, dammit! Not beaten out by commoners!  
_


End file.
